A Reason, Season, Lifetime

I was presenting at a high school a few months ago and had one of the students ask the question, “When do you know when it’s time to let a friend – a good friend – go?”  This thought resonated with me, as I have had the same question come up quite a few times throughout the years.  When I reflect on my life, the connections and faces over the years gradually change with time. The theme that always comes to mind when I make this observation, and what I shared with the student who asked this honest question that day, is one that dates back to my childhood.

When I was young, I came across an email that shared an explanation on different types of relationships.  The types were a Reason, Season or Lifetime. The author is unknown but here is the explanation as I read it so many years ago:

“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support;  to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, sometimes without wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something that will bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we need to realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”

I am so grateful that I came across this when I did.  Something about the deep understanding in the words stuck out to me so much that I never forgot them.  I took them with me and used them as a map and a way to find peace during the changing tides of life and the grief and heartache and love that goes along with them.  Having this understanding changed everything for me.

It allowed me to flow with changing relationships instead of to fight and hold on in places that no longer benefited anyone, especially me. I am a loyal person.  I learned to recognize the difference of when a shift needed to be weathered and when it was just time to let go.

It still hurts.  Always. When I am able to reflect, I can start to see where that person fell in my life, the role they played, and where I was.  From that, I find peace in the change, gratitude for all that person and connection brought my life, and can release them with love.  

The toughest releases for me are the ones where I think I know where someone falls (you’re a lifetime person!) and Life chuckles and leads me down a different path.  While these sting the most, I find they are also the relationships I end of being the most grateful for.  These connections usually bring me a large amount of love and support while they are there.  Once the dust settles, I can truly see the reason they were brought in my life- the gap they were there to fill.  And many of them, I frequently still miss.  And I’ve learned that that’s okay too.

Because change is constant, I feel this is a message that deserves to be shared.  It is a critical life lesson and relationships have such strong and deep emotional holds – any help at all is worth it! Please pass this along – share it with others you love.  You, my friend,  will be doing a powerful thing.